She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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