woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
