i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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