im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
