i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize