there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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