OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
one two three fourrrrnication!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
