Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
