So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
