when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
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lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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