Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
