I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
