just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
