If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
