Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
