I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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