Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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