He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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