3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
