You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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