I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
