it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
