Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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