he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
