Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
