porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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