my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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