Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
