I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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