ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
