His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
