my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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