i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
