So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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