everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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