Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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