I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
