Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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