Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
