i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
false alarm. still invincible.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
