My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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