At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
