The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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