Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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