I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Couch. On fire.
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