I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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