If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
