The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
