when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
