is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
