He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
