New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
