I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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