dude i'm inner monologue high
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He did a backflip because drugs
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
