it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
