Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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