I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
