well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dignity is for republicans.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
