he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
