No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
