that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
