I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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