I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
