i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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