There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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