just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
