I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize