I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
