she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
