i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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